Nerd Warning: Post contains D&D references

It probably isn't great that I feel the need to define my life as a character in a role-playing game, but I like to look on the bright side and say at least I'm not avoiding my life by pretending to be a character in a game.

I never said as a child "I want to be a paladin when I grow up". I was a practical child not prone to ridiculous statements. But now that I am grown up I have to say. "I have grown-up, and I am a paladin." Its a calling, and I finally understand what that means.

It occurs to me today that in D&D paladins (I'm talking mostly 2nd/3rd edition here) have one thing rather easy. They feel the calling to take up arms and channel all of that righteous energy in the defense of a deity (or, occasionally, in defense of righteousness in general). So what do they do? They go down to the local temple of said deity or the local order of paladins and they sign up. Sure, at that point the real work begins but at least they have structure and purpose.

What do I have? Only the feeling of being lost and confused. I am so done with that. I wish a had a local order of paladins to join. I wish our culture needed that the way the D&D worlds always seem to.

I have decided that even if the world doesn't think it needs paladins there is still a place in the world for those of us who feel called in this way. Maybe some of us go into law enforcement or the military, some probably join churches and non-profits. We find our way. I have swapped my trusty steed for a car and weapons of steel and magic for weapons of words and technology.

I'm still working on what exactly it is I defend as a contemporary paladin (see Mission Statement entry) but I have embraced the paladin calling. It feels right.

Name change!

I know, I'm terrible about changing everything about my blogs. Google Verduranti and you might even find my two old dead ones. Anyway, this time I have a better reason.

I need purpose. It's just the way I am. A conversation with a friend made me realize that I am, effectively, a modern day paladin (and that this is why I can't do marketing). I love this idea. It is so true and it just reals right. So right that I am incorporating it into my "brand", which the Career Center says I need - starting with my blog.

Mission Statement!

I decided I need a better idea of what I want from a career and a mission statement is going to help me get there.

Rough Draft Warning!

I want a career that focuses on investigation and problem-solving within a team environment. My technical skills should be used but not to the exclusion of all social interaction. I must have the freedom to be direct and honest. Deadlines must be realistic and meaningful.

Blogging 'cause I can't find paper

Another week of readings on sustainability and I'm fed up with them. I just don't care much about trees and waste and completely rethinking the industrial revolution. However, I agree with the following.

1. Life is better when what you do for a living reflects who you are and the impact you would like to have on the world - not just the paycheck you need.

2. People generally want the service of an object more than the object. This is an interesting way of looking at new business.

That's it.

What fruit? I don't see any damn fruit.

I want to be a better person. This doesn't mean I hate who I am, just that I think it is noble and good to pursue something better. I used to think that this meant that I should change my most glaring faults. This makes sense, right? Other people see my faults, I see my faults, they really get in my way.

For examples here are some of my most glaring faults: I'm inconsistent, I'm incredibly reliable/knowledgable/whatever one minute and much less so the next. I'm emotional. This might not be very obvious all the time, but when it comes out, I am over-the-top emotional. I am also a perfectionist. I have trouble seeing the point at which I stop getting a return on my investment of time and energy. It MUST BE PERFECT.

I should fix these things because these are my most glaring faults. Maybe they should be low hanging fruit too, right? After all, if they are so obvious, then I must be able to make simple changes to improve them and make them less obvious.

And right there is my problem. I don't care anymore about obvious. I will always have flaws and these are my flaws. They are an essential part of me. Also, if there were easy steps to mitigate the damage from these flaws, don't you think I would have done them already?

I would like to add that trying to make myself less of a perfectionist, or more consistent, also makes me miserable. I just feel so hopeless. I need a better plan.

Now I look at my life and how to become a better person and I have decided to focus on new things. I will improve myself by doing things I am already good at, better, r by doing new things that give me new experiences and knowledge. I have been working on this for the last year and I am much happier as a result.

Bored.

I'm really busy. I have a ton to do. But the last few weeks of this quarter look a little dull. Another project, another two quizzes, another "Oxford discussion". Social events are getting more spread out, probably because everyone is busy with school work.

Really, I think my problem is that my rate of learning seems to have leveled out. I have reached a steady-state with my two technical classes and essence of enterprise meets for an hour a week - hardly a rigorous schedule. I discovered a hole in my basic knowledge - I have apparently never actually read anything by Ayn Rand. I will fix that this week, but then its probably back to crafts and video games with me. These things are fun, but a little shallow.