Monday, January 7, 2013

Running from the void

Thank god 2012 is over.

There, I said it. 

I know 2012 wasn't all bad. I bought a house, I adopted a dog, and I generally met a lot of cool people and had a number of good times. None of this changes the fact that 2012 was a completely miserable year for me.

Every so often the fog of fatigue and misery that seemed to hover over me this past year would retreat enough for me to look around and try to reorganize my plans but within a few days I was always swallowed up again. The worst feeling in the world was knowing that I had no reason to be so miserable but being helpless to change my feelings at the same time.

The past couple of weeks have been better but I don't know why. I keep looking over my shoulder wondering when the feeling of meaninglessness will catch up with me again. I don't plan on being easy to chase down.

I have ten weeks left of school and I plan on having a job lined up before then. I want to work out more and play video games less. I want more of my time spent trying to advance my position. It's no longer about trying to get ahead of everyone else. What I need is a way to fight the void that threatens to swallow me whole.