Thursday, November 10, 2011

What fruit? I don't see any damn fruit.

I want to be a better person. This doesn't mean I hate who I am, just that I think it is noble and good to pursue something better. I used to think that this meant that I should change my most glaring faults. This makes sense, right? Other people see my faults, I see my faults, they really get in my way.

For examples here are some of my most glaring faults: I'm inconsistent, I'm incredibly reliable/knowledgable/whatever one minute and much less so the next. I'm emotional. This might not be very obvious all the time, but when it comes out, I am over-the-top emotional. I am also a perfectionist. I have trouble seeing the point at which I stop getting a return on my investment of time and energy. It MUST BE PERFECT.

I should fix these things because these are my most glaring faults. Maybe they should be low hanging fruit too, right? After all, if they are so obvious, then I must be able to make simple changes to improve them and make them less obvious.

And right there is my problem. I don't care anymore about obvious. I will always have flaws and these are my flaws. They are an essential part of me. Also, if there were easy steps to mitigate the damage from these flaws, don't you think I would have done them already?

I would like to add that trying to make myself less of a perfectionist, or more consistent, also makes me miserable. I just feel so hopeless. I need a better plan.

Now I look at my life and how to become a better person and I have decided to focus on new things. I will improve myself by doing things I am already good at, better, r by doing new things that give me new experiences and knowledge. I have been working on this for the last year and I am much happier as a result.

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