When I was a child I thought, "When I'm an adult I'll be more confident in myself, adults seem confident"
When I was in college I thought, "When I have a job I'll be more confident, at least then I'll know what I'm doing"
When I had a job I thought, "When I figure out what it is I really want to do, then I'll finally shake off this insecurity"
When I finally figured out what I want my life to stand for I thought, "Maybe I'm a coward because everything that was ever supposed to make me less afraid hasn't worked. I'm still afraid of everything"
I think I finally get it.. Nothing is going to suddenly fix my insecurity. Maybe its a character flaw. Over the years I've practiced the fine art of beating the insecurities down just far enough to take a few steps in the right direction. I have to live with fear but I will not be governed by fear as a slave is by a whip. This is enough for me now.
So here's today's list of beaten down fears (its not even noon!):
Fear of falling on ice
Fear of rejection
Fear of being weak or inadequate
Fear of losing the respect of those I care about
And today's list of dreams that managed to get me out of bed:
Career in law enforcement
Starting a family
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'” - Mary Anne Radmacher